reasons for insomnia

sometime
you refuse to go to sleep

its so easy
to close your eyes to the world
but
you
refuse to go to sleep

you 
refuse to wake up to a morning of bullshit
you refuse to have your morning coffee of despair
you refuse to walk through a afternoon of lies

that friend
who is so stupid that she believed in all the lies
she calls you up in the evening
in memory of the bygone days
you refuse to burn again in memories of innocence

the news channel..
you pay for it
yet it fetches news you do not want to hear
every evening it tells you of rape and bribe and inflation
you refuse to hear the same news, once again

your mother calls you every night
she does not tell you how much she misses you
yet you know, how she yearns for you
but the job you hate keeps you apart
you refuse to hear the pain in your mother's voice every night
you refuse to hear the tolerance in your father's silence every night

you do not want
another such day to begin
so
sometime
you
refuse to go to sleep at night

sleepless night, again !

one part of her sat huddled in the room
the other part -
ran out into the rain - bare foot

later, both met at the threshold
and exchanged gifts -

from the rain, she had brought back a wet moon
the other part gave away her leftover dreams

and together they wove a sleepless night !

what does a woman think when she looks out of her window in the winter light?

what does a woman think
when she looks out of her window in the winter light?

today the meal she cooked was too salty
eight years back, her husband had died
five months back, her daughter had left her husband
one month back, the same daughter had given birth to a girl

what does a woman think
when she looks out of her window in the winter light?
does she think about the right name for her grandchild?

last tuesday, her colleague leered at her
last thursday, with the same colleague, she had spent her night
today, his invitation, she has declined

what does a woman think
when she looks out of her window in the winter light?

does she think about westminster abbey
where she believes people make-out in the broad daylight
or does she think about her local church, the methodist church
where she prays for her late husband once in a while...

what does a woman think
when she looks out of her window in the winter light?

or may be
she looks out of her window- for a respite
when she looks out of her window in the winter light
may be, she does not have a single thought in her mind


what does a woman think
when she looks out of her window in the winter light?

the yellow shawl

it rained while i was sleeping

i slept better - the shadow of rainbow glowing in my heart

wrapped in a yellow shawl, 

i look outside my open window -

the clouds are now sleeping, dreaming

the leaves - greener, dancing in the hint of sunshine

the earth smells of rain

its cold, i hold my shawl tighter

the yellow now closer to my soul

i look within - oh, what a sight

- as the black smiles back at yellow.

i hold my shawl closer, tighter

bageshwari temple

har ek din tere darr tak aana
jaise waada kiya hai tune milne ka !
tera na milna, phir bhi mera wapas aana
jaise chaahat ho ruthe piya ko manaane ka !

godless love

godless love
you follow me
like an ardent devotee.
blind, carefree.


i have returned you to the temple,
where you do not belong.
i have returned you to your home, where you belong
but you are a runaway!

i have abandoned you at the streets...you come back.
(in your previous life, you must have been a boomerang ! - pun intended !)

i keep you aside - everyday, everywhere
everyday you follow me
everywhere you follow me
(you almost remind me of that cute hutch pug  - pun non-intended !)

sometime i walk a moonless night
and bury you, silently and secretly.
silently and secretly you rise again.

godless love, where do i keep you?
god is everywhere, except in my heart.

and in my heart, i cannot keep you

the new year

the year begins,

with the promise to pass by, as quickly as ever.

inbetween,

we will die a hundred death, live a hundred and one life

we will laugh and cry, a thousand times, 

and then, 

the year will pass by

inbetween,

we will know,

how to dream in those sleepless nights

inbetween,

we will wake up, too late to turn up in office

that day,

to make up for lost hours,

we will leave for home late, sleep late

and again will pass a sleepless night !

and someday inbetween,

in this year,

amidst the yellow flowers,

you will wait for me,

----

i will not arrive there.

I have arrived long ago

I had arrived

while

you were planting the green seeds of these yellow flowers.

But 

you donot know so

and,

you will wait for me amidst the yellow flowers,

while the year will pass by, quickly.

The waiting is always long, 

the year, always too short.

Also, some day

we will go on diet, and cheat

we will search for new jobs

we will fight with many, make up with some

buy new clothes, worship new gods

read new books, keep listening to old songs

and amidst all these, 

the year will pass by,

while we all will remain the same.

Surprisingly,

Every year, its the same thing

a brand new year

the same old us !